Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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