I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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