TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
