i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
