no, he came in my armpit
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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