Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
