So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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