Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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