okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
