we're blogging at a bar
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
