When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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