My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
