i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize