Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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