We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
