I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
