My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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