just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
