I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
