So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
