I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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