You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
