I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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