I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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