i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
