She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Randomize
