We should be called the Road Head Warriors
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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