it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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