dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga