i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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