Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
