You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
