she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
