I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
