New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
