Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
