My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
