OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
