Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is classic penis vs brain.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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