You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
