Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
