One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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