i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
