he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
