dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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