If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
