Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
