no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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