I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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