areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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