Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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