Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
