Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
