kristin has been a bad kristin
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
