She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
