I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
