just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
