maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize