I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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