omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
