i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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