youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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