Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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